"if there was a controlling power outside the universe, it could not show itself to us as one of the facts inside the universe-no more than the architect of a house could actually be a wall, or staircase, or fireplace in that house." - C.S. Lewis
the idea of being lost. the realization of being insignificant. where do they come from? why does something so detrimental find its way creeping into the gap that's yearning to be filled with life. yearning. it doesn't want, it yearns. the lie has to be pretty dense to get around this feeling. it has to be so captivating, that its somehow convincing. i guess this cultivates a battleground. for there to be a battleground means that there's a war. for there to be a war means there's something worth fighting for. in the midst of being lost, feeling insignificant, there's a lie trying to trump truth..proving that something out there is fighting..for us.
my drink is gone
the cup has gone to waste
please is there someone
to pull me out of this place?
i'm believing a lie
thats binding me down
it's worth singing for something
but i can't make a sound
total abomination
caught living in condemnation
looking for the face
to pull me out of this place
cause one more push
and i'm going underneath
but with that pull
i'm coming up to breathe
you came down
with intent to make me clean
and you're the only one
who can intervene
with this last stand
i find myself on my knees
for i am convinced
nothing will separate you from me.
amen.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
shalom
high on the mountain there's a place
where i can go
there's a peace, sweet release
from the hurried life below
holy ground all around
bow your head down low
raise your hands understand
who is there with you now.
hours past there at last
in the quietness of thought
no condemnation for the things
that i am or am not
before the throne, all alone
not afraid, nothing to hide
on the cross with my christ
i know im cruicified.
down the mountain i return
to the place from which i came
nothing is different yet somehow
i know i've made a change
see the hurt feel the need
the the lonely people share
spread the word, have you heard
there is truly one who cares.
i wish i could take this as my own, but it surely is not. i found it in a lonely guitar case, and it oddly resembles my experiences of the past 3 months. this past summer i had the opportunity of walking down a path of truth. really finding out what life, my life, is all about; and being able to share that with truly awesome people.
authenticity is something i've always striven for, and to finally reach that point of true honest emotions has been a whirlwind of new revelation. it's something so hard and odd to obtain, with heartbreak and healing along the way. 'a peace, sweet release' is definitely something that reigns true through and through. to be able to have such a trust in the lord is something i had no grasp on. with friendships and relationships alike, dropping the ball and picking it up along the way. my sense of trust was to always go a certain amount of steps and hold back my pace, leaving room for a little worry. but what i've learned is that to trust is to keep walking, 'for though strong winds are blowing, and tree limbs are rocking; confidence is there, you just gotta keep walking.' to keep walking at a pace of holding nothing back. being real. being open. i always thought that with that would come worry. what would happen next? is this what im supposed to do? but in reality those questions don't come up. a true peace, shalom if you will, blesses you in true reality. in true reality, there's no point in drawing the blinds.
so as i have been living in a bubble these past months, my hope is that i wouldn't let falsehoods pop my bubble. in contrast i would hope to figure out a way to incorporate these new truths to life, in hopes of the world conforming to them instead of vice verse. would that be called selfish? or is it the way it's always supposed to have been? im not too sure, but i like where its taken me.
where i can go
there's a peace, sweet release
from the hurried life below
holy ground all around
bow your head down low
raise your hands understand
who is there with you now.
hours past there at last
in the quietness of thought
no condemnation for the things
that i am or am not
before the throne, all alone
not afraid, nothing to hide
on the cross with my christ
i know im cruicified.
down the mountain i return
to the place from which i came
nothing is different yet somehow
i know i've made a change
see the hurt feel the need
the the lonely people share
spread the word, have you heard
there is truly one who cares.
i wish i could take this as my own, but it surely is not. i found it in a lonely guitar case, and it oddly resembles my experiences of the past 3 months. this past summer i had the opportunity of walking down a path of truth. really finding out what life, my life, is all about; and being able to share that with truly awesome people.
authenticity is something i've always striven for, and to finally reach that point of true honest emotions has been a whirlwind of new revelation. it's something so hard and odd to obtain, with heartbreak and healing along the way. 'a peace, sweet release' is definitely something that reigns true through and through. to be able to have such a trust in the lord is something i had no grasp on. with friendships and relationships alike, dropping the ball and picking it up along the way. my sense of trust was to always go a certain amount of steps and hold back my pace, leaving room for a little worry. but what i've learned is that to trust is to keep walking, 'for though strong winds are blowing, and tree limbs are rocking; confidence is there, you just gotta keep walking.' to keep walking at a pace of holding nothing back. being real. being open. i always thought that with that would come worry. what would happen next? is this what im supposed to do? but in reality those questions don't come up. a true peace, shalom if you will, blesses you in true reality. in true reality, there's no point in drawing the blinds.
so as i have been living in a bubble these past months, my hope is that i wouldn't let falsehoods pop my bubble. in contrast i would hope to figure out a way to incorporate these new truths to life, in hopes of the world conforming to them instead of vice verse. would that be called selfish? or is it the way it's always supposed to have been? im not too sure, but i like where its taken me.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
reactionary beauty
thunder after lightning,
pain after a pinch,
control after a flick of a switch,
fear after movement,
joy after solidarity.
these things are results, outcomes, products of attainable ideas. reactions. we're told that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. giving us a view that that some actions are good, and some are bad. why must this be so? every breath, every sound, every movement, every sight, every touch is a gift. something given to us, why have we been given this power to discern what is good and bad? actions we can grasp, wrap our minds around, fully understand. but the reactions we cannot decipher. unfathomable. this is what we've been told, taught.
perception is a powerful tool. to perceive, is to grasp. a perception is not seeing brokenness in beauty, but seeing beauty in the broken. in my head, actions are what's the true mystery. my reaction to actions should be easy to understand, but why i'm reacting..that's a whole other story. the work behind obtaining a reaction is limitless. endless actions are created for the sole purpose of one reaction. the most common reaction being fear. the root of fear is sacrifice. trying a new activity, there's hesitation. why do we hesitate? we are afraid. to overcome a hesitation we have to ultimately sacrifice. sacrifice our feelings, our thoughts, what we think is the "right" thing for us. this is an ongoing process for countless reactions 'good' or 'bad'. so i guess at the root beginning of joy, was fear. if the only thing to fear, is fear itself..why fear?
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still (Ex. 14:14)
direction in life is hard to discern.
its like driving down a one way road,
a fork in the middle with nowhere to go.
when all our lefts, don't go right.
i'm opened to a beautiful sight
it's like floating down an open stream
where nothings goin, and no one's seen.
where the current takes away our hopes and dreams
to an un-found course that's soon to be seen.
and now we're flyin higher than the clouds
hangin from the holes in the sky, screaming out loud
who am i, and why am i bound?!
they'll say 'listen up, just turnaround'
so what you've done, or what will come
the good I am, or the devil below
what has happened, or what you'll do
the water you walk on will save you.
if every action is a beautiful gift, why can't our reaction be a part of another beautiful gift?
pain after a pinch,
control after a flick of a switch,
fear after movement,
joy after solidarity.
these things are results, outcomes, products of attainable ideas. reactions. we're told that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. giving us a view that that some actions are good, and some are bad. why must this be so? every breath, every sound, every movement, every sight, every touch is a gift. something given to us, why have we been given this power to discern what is good and bad? actions we can grasp, wrap our minds around, fully understand. but the reactions we cannot decipher. unfathomable. this is what we've been told, taught.
perception is a powerful tool. to perceive, is to grasp. a perception is not seeing brokenness in beauty, but seeing beauty in the broken. in my head, actions are what's the true mystery. my reaction to actions should be easy to understand, but why i'm reacting..that's a whole other story. the work behind obtaining a reaction is limitless. endless actions are created for the sole purpose of one reaction. the most common reaction being fear. the root of fear is sacrifice. trying a new activity, there's hesitation. why do we hesitate? we are afraid. to overcome a hesitation we have to ultimately sacrifice. sacrifice our feelings, our thoughts, what we think is the "right" thing for us. this is an ongoing process for countless reactions 'good' or 'bad'. so i guess at the root beginning of joy, was fear. if the only thing to fear, is fear itself..why fear?
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still (Ex. 14:14)
direction in life is hard to discern.
its like driving down a one way road,
a fork in the middle with nowhere to go.
when all our lefts, don't go right.
i'm opened to a beautiful sight
it's like floating down an open stream
where nothings goin, and no one's seen.
where the current takes away our hopes and dreams
to an un-found course that's soon to be seen.
and now we're flyin higher than the clouds
hangin from the holes in the sky, screaming out loud
who am i, and why am i bound?!
they'll say 'listen up, just turnaround'
so what you've done, or what will come
the good I am, or the devil below
what has happened, or what you'll do
the water you walk on will save you.
if every action is a beautiful gift, why can't our reaction be a part of another beautiful gift?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
3 randoms and a rant
3 prompts:
-the word 'ark'
-isaiah 45:6-7 'that you may know from the rising of the sun to its setting that there is none besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other; I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the LORD, do all these things.'
-the phrase 'the stately ships go onto their haven under the hill'
i was given these three things by a certain someone in exchange that i somehow wrap my mind around all three and give my take on them, right here in this blog. how did these prompts come about? lets just say that there was a dictionary, a verse (that im guessing is a favorite? or one that is be wrestled with?), and an excerpt from a stanza on page 92 of a book that is still nameless to me.
i think you can take any piece of literature and make it personal. find some meaning within it. you always, always will find what your searching for in any form of literature. most likely will be taken out of context, which by then i think the true meaning is lost. granted you find something, but overall changing the meaning of what's trying to be portrayed actually loses meaning. and in some form or fashion is kind of pathetic, i mean if you truly think about it, the reason why you form ideas about something is to normally make yourself feel good. but i feel like that's just taking the easy way out. instead of you changing meaning, let the meaning change you.
upon first glance of these things, i figured i would just talk about each one separately. but that's no fun. there has to be a connection. there's gotta be a deeper meaning behind these randomized thoughts. and maybe im making there be a deeper meaning, thus contradicting myself from what was said in the previous lines..but hey, im not God. mistakes do happen. hypocrisy? no, maybe just gaining new perspectives, working out the ol' brain.
the word 'ark'. first thoughts? noah's ark. God basically hated everything that earth had become so he destroys it, but calls upon noah to build an ark and gather 2 of every animal. time out. the movie evan almighty. he has 30 days or something, and everyone makes fun of him every day. imagine 120 years of people teasing him. that would suck.
random side note/thought. i wonder how tempted Jesus was to getting off the cross. i wonder how many times he almost just stopped everything. sure it was "supposed" to happen and stuff, but he was still a man, he had humanly thoughts. that'd be tough.
at this point of the blog, i have realized that i cannot make a single connection with all three of this things. so addie, im sorry haha. but i find the verse to be very cool. the whole passage is God speaking, and talking about a soon to be king, Cyrus, and how he will basically be His instrument. Cyrus is very Messiah-ish, and God even sort of hints at that, at least to me God makes Cyrus sound Jesusy. "I have raised him up in righteousness, and I will direct all his ways; he shall build My city and let My exiles go free, not for price nor reward." very Jesus like to me. but even with all these things stated in all of chapter 45 that God will do, Cyrus will receive most of the praise. Which kind of sounds like my life to other non-believers, we all do some pretty cool things throughout our own individualistic lives, and, at least for me, forget to glorify God. but in these two verses, He makes it very clear that He is the only one, He makes every thing possible "I, the LORD, do all these things." He does everything.
as for the phrase 'the stately ships go onto their haven under the hill'. i have no idea what that even means. i have literally been trying to make sense of it for hours now. a ship going under a hill? how is that possible? its not. so it must be some sort of metaphor. but what the heck hides under a hill, it says their haven..to be honest, all i'm thinking about right now is scientology. and how aliens came flying out of volcanoes from distant planets in the galaxy, and yet no one has ever seen these aliens. they probably hide under the hills. it would be the perfect spot to hide, who would ever actually look at a hill and decide to start digging. no one. cause climbing a hill is kinda like kissing your sister. that made no sense. but there you go.
i'll leave you kind followers with this..God did not use evolution when creating the earth. Gen 1:5 "God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day." some may say "kevin, it's not defined on how long each day was" and i would say "yes it is." He called the light day, and the dark night. time hasn't changed. there has always been 24 hrs in a day. there has been a night portion and a day portion. i don't see God making light last for 4 million years, then saying welp it should be time for some darkness, then let that be happening for another 4 million years, then once everything has evolved in 65 million years he makes the 24 hour day. i feel like if i were to lay claim to that belief then i would ultimately be challenging God and his ability to do things. which probably isn't the right thing to do. and another thing, everyone can agree that we can't comprehend God and how he works. but we somehow have put all our belief into one thing, and that just has to be how he created earth. if you could understand how God works, i feel like living would be absolutely pointless. maybe all of this is mumbo jumbo and i have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about, but if you fall under this belief, well then im gonna assume that you also have no idea what your talking about haha. if you wanna chat about this topic, then just ask, cause i would love to.
i dedicate that last paragraph to noah.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
this is weird
living in a timeless scene. i was just outside, standing in the rain and for some reason this phrase kept popping in my head. i started to think about what it could possibly mean, and why i couldn't get it out of my head. i think maybe it's what i always strive for. i've been lookin back on my days, and everything seems to be so complacent. i wake up, do nothing all day, then go back to bed to do it all over again. sure there's important things goin on, like younglife for example. hanging out with kids, being a fisher of men so to speak, but even that has started to feel weird and different. all of a sudden i've been feeling pressures of this world, as in what i'm going to do with my life, i have ideas of what i want to do, but have absolutely no idea of how to obtain them. the one thing i tried to do, ended up failing. so what the heck? life can be worrisome sometimes. and i'm not used to worrying. i've decided that this timeless scene is eternity. i can't wait. lets take a pause. im currently watching the jimmy fallon show, and the new kids on the block are performing. these guys are still trying to be sexy and singing about how girls turn em on and stuff. get real. haha. but anyways, let me give ya a picture of how i comprehend eternity.
i'm given a feather. at this point of my feather acquirement, a metal orb, 100 times the size of the sun comes into the atmosphere and floats 2 meters above the earths surface. but only for ten seconds, then it goes away. and doesn't come back for another 2000 years. now in that ten seconds of time that the large metal orb is here, i get to hit it only one time with my feather in hopes that i'm chipping some of the metal off..with my feather. when that metal orb, that is 100 times the size of the sun and that i hit with my feather one time every 2000 years, is the size of a pea..that would be the end of eternity.
kind of a cool way of picturing something that can't be comprehended eh?
all of these thought landed me somehow on the idea of the dangerous prayer. something we might hear about, but don't really know how to do. last time i made a 'dangerous prayer', my life went on a spiral, but thankfully ended up back at the cross. i used to always think of a 'dangerous prayer' as being of envious feelings. at least thats what my one 'dangerous prayer' was all about. but now i look at dangerous prayers as something of the complete opposite. i feel like a 'dangerous prayer' is just being honest with God. i feel like most of us try to hide some feelings and thoughts from God. what's more dangerous than someone truly knowing everything about you? and if your saying "not me kevin" well then i'm happy for you. but as for me i know this is true. i guess there's just a feeling of shame, telling God what's really going on in life. if this is all God wants from us, to be completely open with Him, then why the heck do we make it so hard? life is weird.
on another note, im pumped for some phil wickham and leeland action on thursday. gonna be there with a butt load of my friends. not expecting to go to sleep thursday night, i feel like to many epic situations will be presented.
this was a weird post haha.
i'm given a feather. at this point of my feather acquirement, a metal orb, 100 times the size of the sun comes into the atmosphere and floats 2 meters above the earths surface. but only for ten seconds, then it goes away. and doesn't come back for another 2000 years. now in that ten seconds of time that the large metal orb is here, i get to hit it only one time with my feather in hopes that i'm chipping some of the metal off..with my feather. when that metal orb, that is 100 times the size of the sun and that i hit with my feather one time every 2000 years, is the size of a pea..that would be the end of eternity.
kind of a cool way of picturing something that can't be comprehended eh?
all of these thought landed me somehow on the idea of the dangerous prayer. something we might hear about, but don't really know how to do. last time i made a 'dangerous prayer', my life went on a spiral, but thankfully ended up back at the cross. i used to always think of a 'dangerous prayer' as being of envious feelings. at least thats what my one 'dangerous prayer' was all about. but now i look at dangerous prayers as something of the complete opposite. i feel like a 'dangerous prayer' is just being honest with God. i feel like most of us try to hide some feelings and thoughts from God. what's more dangerous than someone truly knowing everything about you? and if your saying "not me kevin" well then i'm happy for you. but as for me i know this is true. i guess there's just a feeling of shame, telling God what's really going on in life. if this is all God wants from us, to be completely open with Him, then why the heck do we make it so hard? life is weird.
on another note, im pumped for some phil wickham and leeland action on thursday. gonna be there with a butt load of my friends. not expecting to go to sleep thursday night, i feel like to many epic situations will be presented.
this was a weird post haha.
Friday, April 16, 2010
for i am convinced.
Romans 8:35-37
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
"We're to be lambs. We're to be salt that's sprinkled to add flavor, create thirst, and bring healing. We're to be light that illuminates, not dominates. And know this: From the world's perspective, we'll never win. If you don't understand this, you'll be frustrated, disillusioned, embittered. We're not conquerors. We're more than conquerors." -Courson-
i love that quote.
today i was riding in a car with a friend and we were listening to switchfoot. i commented on how i saw the song live, and he was envious. i also commented on how i saw phil wickham live. envious. he later showed me a beautiful scenic picture where he had climbed and asked "how would you like to have been naked here?" i responded with, "i've been to a cooler place. naked and pushing boulders down a 1000 ft rock face." his response was, "you have all the experiences kevin." that got me thinking. i have a crap load of things in my life that i have done and completely overlook most of the time.
i can think, off the top of my head, two times in my life where i will never overlook the feeling, emotion, and experiences that occurred. one being the beyond trip last summer..actually, last summer in general. and the other would be this past week.
here's how it went down.
rich-hey, judy just payed for our plane tickets to the cali student staff conference. which means your in now.
me-sweet.
two days before-hey mom, is it cool if i go to cali?
mom-what? payed for? ok.
last friday i ended up in san diego with rich, drew and ross for a young life student staff conference at a camp called oakbridge. we get there, the father in law picks us up and we go sight seeing. stopping by Point Loma, and it was to coolest campus i've ever been too. went down to ocean beach. had a fantastic burger then booked it to oakbridge. it's always interesting finding out what a speaker is going to talk about, and this time it was a very strange coincidence. backing up a bit, earlier that week i had found out that i didn't get the internship that i was basically set on. i was convinced that i would get it, and that it was exactly where God wanted me to be, my calling so to speak. well turns out the whole weekend was devoted to God's calling in our lives. weird. just like every other yl camp, there was an all camp quiet. during this time i stood in the middle of a field and tried to pray. but nothing was coming out. i didn't know what to do. that's never happened to me before, i had no idea what to say to God. for the first time in a while i truly cared about what was going on in my life. you see, i tend to overlook things and just take them as they are, which i tend to feel like its a good quality. not that i have no sympathy, empathy, or passion, but i honestly look at things, good or bad, and have a trust in God. but this time i was almost upset. life has just not been going to well. not talking about the abundant life that God gives us, but the one that we fall subject to. this worldly life that showers us, consumes us. causes us to worry, to fear, that life has been under the weather so to speak. and i had ran out of things to say to God, there was literally nothing in me that had inspiration. all hopes felt as if they had ran away. almost felt like i did laying in my bed 3 years ago. a contentment that was not so pleasant. so i opened my bible to the only place i knew i would find peace. Romans 8. my eyes fell upon verses 20-28--
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
i, as well as many others im sure, find myself in prayers demanding things of God. asking Him to do things for me. for the first time, i sat back and just asked Him into my everyday thoughts, opened the door for Him to come in and do what ever he wants in my house. instead of just limiting Him to the family room couch. it felt good. and of course following this passage is the one at the top. and following that one is my favorite verse. "For i am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels or demons, nor the present or things to come, nor other powers, neither height nor depth, or anything in all of creation will separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ". and that's the first account.
leaving oakbridge refreshed and feeling a new calling from God, we headed to LA to go to Mosaic. Erwin McManus' church. it was flippin sweet. before worship a man got up and talked about working together as a body, and knowing that as that body there is no condemnation. if He is with us the who is against us. he quoted those 3 passages above. and that's the second account.
After the church service we hit up some huntington beach, the sand was heavenly. monday morning started with some pool action and some fantastic conversation about life and the conference and what God is doing. it was sweet. padre's game? for free? seventh row? alright sweet.
facebook status sunday night-death is the period at the end of a sentence that needs to be rewritten. my dad commented on that status with a verse. can you guess which one? yup, romans 8:38-39. and folks, that's the third account, in three days of this verse, in completely random situations. this verse had already been near to me with a very special and powerful influence. after this past week, it will always be with me, at my side. so looking back at where i've been, proves that where i'm going in life is gonna be sweet. cause where i've been is in the valleys and at the mountain tops with God. He's been there in the past, he'll be there in the future. i'm truly blessed with what's happened in my life and the experiences i've had. for i am convinced.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
"We're to be lambs. We're to be salt that's sprinkled to add flavor, create thirst, and bring healing. We're to be light that illuminates, not dominates. And know this: From the world's perspective, we'll never win. If you don't understand this, you'll be frustrated, disillusioned, embittered. We're not conquerors. We're more than conquerors." -Courson-
i love that quote.
today i was riding in a car with a friend and we were listening to switchfoot. i commented on how i saw the song live, and he was envious. i also commented on how i saw phil wickham live. envious. he later showed me a beautiful scenic picture where he had climbed and asked "how would you like to have been naked here?" i responded with, "i've been to a cooler place. naked and pushing boulders down a 1000 ft rock face." his response was, "you have all the experiences kevin." that got me thinking. i have a crap load of things in my life that i have done and completely overlook most of the time.
i can think, off the top of my head, two times in my life where i will never overlook the feeling, emotion, and experiences that occurred. one being the beyond trip last summer..actually, last summer in general. and the other would be this past week.
here's how it went down.
rich-hey, judy just payed for our plane tickets to the cali student staff conference. which means your in now.
me-sweet.
two days before-hey mom, is it cool if i go to cali?
mom-what? payed for? ok.
last friday i ended up in san diego with rich, drew and ross for a young life student staff conference at a camp called oakbridge. we get there, the father in law picks us up and we go sight seeing. stopping by Point Loma, and it was to coolest campus i've ever been too. went down to ocean beach. had a fantastic burger then booked it to oakbridge. it's always interesting finding out what a speaker is going to talk about, and this time it was a very strange coincidence. backing up a bit, earlier that week i had found out that i didn't get the internship that i was basically set on. i was convinced that i would get it, and that it was exactly where God wanted me to be, my calling so to speak. well turns out the whole weekend was devoted to God's calling in our lives. weird. just like every other yl camp, there was an all camp quiet. during this time i stood in the middle of a field and tried to pray. but nothing was coming out. i didn't know what to do. that's never happened to me before, i had no idea what to say to God. for the first time in a while i truly cared about what was going on in my life. you see, i tend to overlook things and just take them as they are, which i tend to feel like its a good quality. not that i have no sympathy, empathy, or passion, but i honestly look at things, good or bad, and have a trust in God. but this time i was almost upset. life has just not been going to well. not talking about the abundant life that God gives us, but the one that we fall subject to. this worldly life that showers us, consumes us. causes us to worry, to fear, that life has been under the weather so to speak. and i had ran out of things to say to God, there was literally nothing in me that had inspiration. all hopes felt as if they had ran away. almost felt like i did laying in my bed 3 years ago. a contentment that was not so pleasant. so i opened my bible to the only place i knew i would find peace. Romans 8. my eyes fell upon verses 20-28--
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
i, as well as many others im sure, find myself in prayers demanding things of God. asking Him to do things for me. for the first time, i sat back and just asked Him into my everyday thoughts, opened the door for Him to come in and do what ever he wants in my house. instead of just limiting Him to the family room couch. it felt good. and of course following this passage is the one at the top. and following that one is my favorite verse. "For i am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels or demons, nor the present or things to come, nor other powers, neither height nor depth, or anything in all of creation will separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ". and that's the first account.
leaving oakbridge refreshed and feeling a new calling from God, we headed to LA to go to Mosaic. Erwin McManus' church. it was flippin sweet. before worship a man got up and talked about working together as a body, and knowing that as that body there is no condemnation. if He is with us the who is against us. he quoted those 3 passages above. and that's the second account.
After the church service we hit up some huntington beach, the sand was heavenly. monday morning started with some pool action and some fantastic conversation about life and the conference and what God is doing. it was sweet. padre's game? for free? seventh row? alright sweet.
facebook status sunday night-death is the period at the end of a sentence that needs to be rewritten. my dad commented on that status with a verse. can you guess which one? yup, romans 8:38-39. and folks, that's the third account, in three days of this verse, in completely random situations. this verse had already been near to me with a very special and powerful influence. after this past week, it will always be with me, at my side. so looking back at where i've been, proves that where i'm going in life is gonna be sweet. cause where i've been is in the valleys and at the mountain tops with God. He's been there in the past, he'll be there in the future. i'm truly blessed with what's happened in my life and the experiences i've had. for i am convinced.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Christian Experience
looking through selected readings, although few, in my room i stumbled upon a folder full of essays. believe it or not, this was an essay my dad wrote in 1975. kind of a cool read, so here it is. hope its enjoyable.
why is there sorrow and strife when the world holds so much beauty? why are we plagued with obsession, slander, gossip, and hate, when there's no provision made for these on this isle that we live. in the still dark night when man is fast asleep his affects on the world and their outcome go practically unnoticed. the night gives insight to the peace and harmony that God intended. but then if nature shows inherent signs of God's handiwork, why doesn't man? the answer is that the Lord himself opened to man for acceptance, or rejection and most men choose the latter. these men are like cars driving down the freeway without any tires. what results is an array of sparks shooting up on all sides from the forced contact of the metal tire rim's on hard coarse pavement. that's what life is like without the buffer provided by Christ; forced, hard and coarse with sparks of anger, indecision, pain, and suffering winging up around us, imprisoning us...killing us. amongst all the ignorance and death there does lie an alternative, that being, life through the "Christian experience." the only problem lies in disbelief.
the christian experience is the condition produced in the mental, moral, and spiritual nature of man by the Holy Spirit of God, as a result of the establishment of a personal relationship with his son, Jesus Christ.
many people have the impression that the Christian conversion is a psychologically induced experience brought about by brainwashing the subject with persuasive words and emotional presentations of Christian "myths". an evangelist is though of as a psychologist manipulating weak, helpless minds into conformity with his own views. some people even suggest that the christian experience can be explainedon the basis of conditioned reflexes. they claim that anyone, after repeated exposure to christian thoughts, can get caught in a type of "spiritual hypnosis" in which he will mechanically react in certain ways under certain conditions. perhaps the christian experience can be described psychologically, but this doesn't tell the all important WHY it happens nor explains its reality. the "why" of the christian experience is Jesus Christ. Furthermore this "object" of our faith isn't some philosophical invention of man's mind, but a physical, historical reality. christians can believe that their sins have been forgiven because forgiveness was accomplished and recorded in history by the shedding of Christ's blood on the cross. christians can believe that Christ is now living within them because he was raised from the dead in history.
you can also view the christian experience through its "objective reality". look at the transformation of the lives of millions of people when they become related by faith to Jesus. although they're from every walk of life and from all nations of the world, they are changed in remarkably similar ways. if you think this is a delusion, then it must be quite a delusion. once a redeemed drunk, with vivid memory of past struggles and a new sense of strength through Christ replied to the charge that "his religion was a delusion." he said: thank God for the delusion, it has put clothes on my children, shoes on their feet and bread in their mouths.
it's made a man out of me and has put joy and peace in my home, which had been a hell. this is only a specific reality, it is by far no the most though of problem nor probably not the worst. but you see, it doesn't matter how big the issue, if you don't have Christ those metal rims are going to start wearing against the hard coarse pavement. the first couple of sparks we handle pretty well, we just sort of brush them as everyday life. no matter how good we are at this, we're just fooling ourselves, because with time these sparks start to mount and they keep accumulating until before long you can no longer deceive yourself by saying, 'they don't exist' or 'they don't matter.' if you are lucky you see this awful reality, some people never do, they spend their whole lives deceiving themselves. i'm glad there is a way out of this via the christian experience..my experience. if only people would let it be a world experience
why is there sorrow and strife when the world holds so much beauty? why are we plagued with obsession, slander, gossip, and hate, when there's no provision made for these on this isle that we live. in the still dark night when man is fast asleep his affects on the world and their outcome go practically unnoticed. the night gives insight to the peace and harmony that God intended. but then if nature shows inherent signs of God's handiwork, why doesn't man? the answer is that the Lord himself opened to man for acceptance, or rejection and most men choose the latter. these men are like cars driving down the freeway without any tires. what results is an array of sparks shooting up on all sides from the forced contact of the metal tire rim's on hard coarse pavement. that's what life is like without the buffer provided by Christ; forced, hard and coarse with sparks of anger, indecision, pain, and suffering winging up around us, imprisoning us...killing us. amongst all the ignorance and death there does lie an alternative, that being, life through the "Christian experience." the only problem lies in disbelief.
the christian experience is the condition produced in the mental, moral, and spiritual nature of man by the Holy Spirit of God, as a result of the establishment of a personal relationship with his son, Jesus Christ.
many people have the impression that the Christian conversion is a psychologically induced experience brought about by brainwashing the subject with persuasive words and emotional presentations of Christian "myths". an evangelist is though of as a psychologist manipulating weak, helpless minds into conformity with his own views. some people even suggest that the christian experience can be explainedon the basis of conditioned reflexes. they claim that anyone, after repeated exposure to christian thoughts, can get caught in a type of "spiritual hypnosis" in which he will mechanically react in certain ways under certain conditions. perhaps the christian experience can be described psychologically, but this doesn't tell the all important WHY it happens nor explains its reality. the "why" of the christian experience is Jesus Christ. Furthermore this "object" of our faith isn't some philosophical invention of man's mind, but a physical, historical reality. christians can believe that their sins have been forgiven because forgiveness was accomplished and recorded in history by the shedding of Christ's blood on the cross. christians can believe that Christ is now living within them because he was raised from the dead in history.
you can also view the christian experience through its "objective reality". look at the transformation of the lives of millions of people when they become related by faith to Jesus. although they're from every walk of life and from all nations of the world, they are changed in remarkably similar ways. if you think this is a delusion, then it must be quite a delusion. once a redeemed drunk, with vivid memory of past struggles and a new sense of strength through Christ replied to the charge that "his religion was a delusion." he said: thank God for the delusion, it has put clothes on my children, shoes on their feet and bread in their mouths.
it's made a man out of me and has put joy and peace in my home, which had been a hell. this is only a specific reality, it is by far no the most though of problem nor probably not the worst. but you see, it doesn't matter how big the issue, if you don't have Christ those metal rims are going to start wearing against the hard coarse pavement. the first couple of sparks we handle pretty well, we just sort of brush them as everyday life. no matter how good we are at this, we're just fooling ourselves, because with time these sparks start to mount and they keep accumulating until before long you can no longer deceive yourself by saying, 'they don't exist' or 'they don't matter.' if you are lucky you see this awful reality, some people never do, they spend their whole lives deceiving themselves. i'm glad there is a way out of this via the christian experience..my experience. if only people would let it be a world experience
comfortably awknowledging a slight fabrication
this past week. shall i give a run down? you got it.
worship concert with great pals.
driving back from concert and everyone is asleep.
park action with wheels, deals, crocks and a guitar.
pork to tortilla, followed by apples to apples.
no such thing as an early night.
im a middle schooler night.
sleeping bag worm fights on trampolines.
naked runs through quiet house at 4 in the am.
paranormal activity.
stoagy sesh.
talk about the future wifey? sure.
played cajon in the magical worship sesh for good friday service.
remembering what its like to have a slumber party.
cuddle fest 2010 on a roof with billions of blankets.
stoagy sesh.
all in all. this spring break was a great time to just sit back and do fun things with some of my best pals. i guess your a young life leader when some of your closest friends are still in high school. thats just how it goes.
there's a song called distraction by angels and airwaves. if you don't know it, then listen to it. its fantastic. the chorus sings "i'll be your distraction". what are we going to let be our distraction? this brings me to the next point. girls. man, sometimes i wish i had one.
in all seriousness, how does it feel to take a lukewarm shower? you know, where the temp is on the brink of being too cold, but there's a little bit of warmth that's keeping you still standing in the shower? it's not even enjoyable! lets apply this to life. because everyone lives a lukewarm life. if Jesus stopped you in your car, in the middle of the highway, and said 'follow me', how many would first pull your car off to the side of the road? who wouldn't even care about the car? who would step out of a materialistic world and into a super-naturalistic eternity? now don't just read those options and automatically say 'well obviously i wouldn't care about the car, i would definitely be stepping into eternity'. actually think about what you would do. this has happened before.
"as they were walking along the road, a man said to him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus replied, 'foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' He said to another man, 'Follow me.' but the man replied, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' Jesus said to him, 'let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' still another said, 'i will follow you, lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.' Jesus replied, 'no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'" (luke 9:57-62)
why do we find things of this world to outweigh the Thing not of this world.
"set your mind on things above, not on earthly things" (col 3:2)
coming back in some form or fashion of what you would call a 'full circle', these things leave me thinking about death. more importantly what would i die for? a man once said he would give his life for a youth revolution. he died later that day, and through a song about him thousands are saved. a man was giving a eulogy and said "you never know when God is going to take your life. at that moment, there's nothing you can do about it. are you ready?" am i ready? i find myself standing in a lukewarm shower of what i like to call my life and asking myself if i'm ready? ready to face Jesus. the man giving the eulogy, sat down after saying those words..fell to the ground..and died. am i ready?
"eyes swollen, fading, and weak..these eyes, they still know me"
worship concert with great pals.
driving back from concert and everyone is asleep.
park action with wheels, deals, crocks and a guitar.
pork to tortilla, followed by apples to apples.
no such thing as an early night.
im a middle schooler night.
sleeping bag worm fights on trampolines.
naked runs through quiet house at 4 in the am.
paranormal activity.
stoagy sesh.
talk about the future wifey? sure.
played cajon in the magical worship sesh for good friday service.
remembering what its like to have a slumber party.
cuddle fest 2010 on a roof with billions of blankets.
stoagy sesh.
all in all. this spring break was a great time to just sit back and do fun things with some of my best pals. i guess your a young life leader when some of your closest friends are still in high school. thats just how it goes.
there's a song called distraction by angels and airwaves. if you don't know it, then listen to it. its fantastic. the chorus sings "i'll be your distraction". what are we going to let be our distraction? this brings me to the next point. girls. man, sometimes i wish i had one.
in all seriousness, how does it feel to take a lukewarm shower? you know, where the temp is on the brink of being too cold, but there's a little bit of warmth that's keeping you still standing in the shower? it's not even enjoyable! lets apply this to life. because everyone lives a lukewarm life. if Jesus stopped you in your car, in the middle of the highway, and said 'follow me', how many would first pull your car off to the side of the road? who wouldn't even care about the car? who would step out of a materialistic world and into a super-naturalistic eternity? now don't just read those options and automatically say 'well obviously i wouldn't care about the car, i would definitely be stepping into eternity'. actually think about what you would do. this has happened before.
"as they were walking along the road, a man said to him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus replied, 'foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' He said to another man, 'Follow me.' but the man replied, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' Jesus said to him, 'let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' still another said, 'i will follow you, lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.' Jesus replied, 'no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'" (luke 9:57-62)
why do we find things of this world to outweigh the Thing not of this world.
"set your mind on things above, not on earthly things" (col 3:2)
coming back in some form or fashion of what you would call a 'full circle', these things leave me thinking about death. more importantly what would i die for? a man once said he would give his life for a youth revolution. he died later that day, and through a song about him thousands are saved. a man was giving a eulogy and said "you never know when God is going to take your life. at that moment, there's nothing you can do about it. are you ready?" am i ready? i find myself standing in a lukewarm shower of what i like to call my life and asking myself if i'm ready? ready to face Jesus. the man giving the eulogy, sat down after saying those words..fell to the ground..and died. am i ready?
"eyes swollen, fading, and weak..these eyes, they still know me"
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Drawing the Blinds
a light can and will always be seen. there's a light in my backyard that shines brighter than any other light around it. it's taller than any other light around. this light is a good 60 yards away from where i stand, and yet it still is able to consume my body and leave an imprint of me on the ground. a shadow. you can look at a shadow and see emptiness, which is mostly true. but i like to see a shadow as the direct output of what the light is feeding. so i guess a shadow is more than just an empty picture of what you could be. a shadow is what you are. a shadow is a reflection of your body. since we've established that a light will always be seen, i guess that means that a light will always aid in the casting of your reflection. another worthy observation is that the intensity of the light goes hand in hand with the size of your shadow. so when Jesus said "I am the light of the world" i tend to look behind me to see the size of my shadow. and as much as i would say that i'm a devout christian, i do all the good works, i say all the right things, no matter how much i believe that statement, there seems to always be room for me to draw the blinds. its definitely not easy to hide a shadow, or even outrun a shadow, it's always with you. so when Jesus is shining down on us, how much of the blinds do we truly open to let him light us up? how big is my shadow, really? here's an interesting thought..if we all were taking this brilliant light in, when i say all, i mean every one on the planet, would our shadows drown out the light? of course not, stupid question. which brings me to my next point. i love my friends. i enjoy being able to be completely real with someone. and here's another interesting point. how is it possible for one to feel closer to someone 100's of miles away, but for someone across the street, not so much. i've thought of this, and of course im talking about my workcrew and summerstaff friends, and on one hand i can say that i've shared experiences and intense God times with them. but then i can look at the friend down the street and say the exact same thing. relationships is something i will one day fully understand, but for now, i must continue to wrestle. another thing i find interesting about light, is that people will do whatever it takes to get to light. why? light creates security. your all alone in a house, you turn on some lights. your in a sticky life situation, you pray. and now your back..a light can and will always be seen.
why have you forgotten me
depression it comes from the enemy
it only makes me wanna run
but out on the distance
i can see your light
standing so tall and so bright
felt shivers like a summer wind
the very first seconds i breathed You in
and now i'm climbing the fences
cross over the pastures
the mountain tops and seas
for nothing will get in the way of you to me
a love so deep
i can't imagine a life without it
it tugs at all my strings
and now i'm back
why have you forgotten me
depression it comes from the enemy
it only makes me wanna run
but out on the distance
i can see your light
standing so tall and so bright
felt shivers like a summer wind
the very first seconds i breathed You in
and now i'm climbing the fences
cross over the pastures
the mountain tops and seas
for nothing will get in the way of you to me
a love so deep
i can't imagine a life without it
it tugs at all my strings
and now i'm back
Monday, March 15, 2010
Fabricated Faith
Matthew 17:20 says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "
faith has captured my interest in these past long, somewhat forgetful, days. if we as Christians value each and everyday, give everything we have to Jesus, do everything in His honor..why is it that when we look back on our week and we can't seem to remember what happened? that's interesting. now back to faith. if you don't know how big a mustard seed is, then look at your pinky finger. focus in on the nail portion. now cut your nail in half. now do it again. that's about how big a mustard seed is. who can honestly say that with their faith, they have moved a mountain from here to there? is this just another parable that Jesus was saying? i don't think so. i guess that brings up the other question of, is everything in the bible literal. as in, are we supposed to take everything to heart, leave no vagueness. did Jonah and the whale actually happen? did a little puny kid take down an 8ft beast of a man? or were all these stories, just stories. i think if you believe that any story in the bible is just a story, then you have taken a huge side step. the bible is God's word. these things are true. so why can't we move mountains? i feel like even i have faith the size of a little tiny, wimpy, puny, mini mustard seed. i feel like most Christians have at least that amount of faith. why can't i move a mountain?? maybe we take God's ability too lightly. who has prayed for a cold, a couple day sickness that really isn't a big deal, to go away? who has prayed for a hospital inducing illness to go away? are the two really all that different? both are disabling your body in some untimely fashion. why not ask God to take it away? i don't think the reason why we aren't moving mountains is because of that, although it could play a part. still caught up on this faith thing. i found myself driving down a 50mph road and wondering what it would take for a person in the opposite lane, 2 feet away going the same speed if not faster, to turn the wheel a little to the left and kill me. we put a lot of trust and faith in other drivers. even after that, i entered a house and sat on a couch, having faith it would catch me into it's soft goodness. then after that i took a bite into some chocolate goodness, having faith that it indeed was chocolate and not poop or something. so there's obviously a faith in things of this world. is that the same faith that we should have for non-worldy things? as in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. have we fabricated a faith so heavenly, and pure, to something that we can relate to. to make having faith a little bit easier?
i'm no bible scholar, and i'm definitely not anywhere close to being a theologian. so there's no real truth behind any of that. but i'd figure i'd just let you know what i think about on a day to day basis. you have to admit, it's kind of interesting to ponder about.
faith has captured my interest in these past long, somewhat forgetful, days. if we as Christians value each and everyday, give everything we have to Jesus, do everything in His honor..why is it that when we look back on our week and we can't seem to remember what happened? that's interesting. now back to faith. if you don't know how big a mustard seed is, then look at your pinky finger. focus in on the nail portion. now cut your nail in half. now do it again. that's about how big a mustard seed is. who can honestly say that with their faith, they have moved a mountain from here to there? is this just another parable that Jesus was saying? i don't think so. i guess that brings up the other question of, is everything in the bible literal. as in, are we supposed to take everything to heart, leave no vagueness. did Jonah and the whale actually happen? did a little puny kid take down an 8ft beast of a man? or were all these stories, just stories. i think if you believe that any story in the bible is just a story, then you have taken a huge side step. the bible is God's word. these things are true. so why can't we move mountains? i feel like even i have faith the size of a little tiny, wimpy, puny, mini mustard seed. i feel like most Christians have at least that amount of faith. why can't i move a mountain?? maybe we take God's ability too lightly. who has prayed for a cold, a couple day sickness that really isn't a big deal, to go away? who has prayed for a hospital inducing illness to go away? are the two really all that different? both are disabling your body in some untimely fashion. why not ask God to take it away? i don't think the reason why we aren't moving mountains is because of that, although it could play a part. still caught up on this faith thing. i found myself driving down a 50mph road and wondering what it would take for a person in the opposite lane, 2 feet away going the same speed if not faster, to turn the wheel a little to the left and kill me. we put a lot of trust and faith in other drivers. even after that, i entered a house and sat on a couch, having faith it would catch me into it's soft goodness. then after that i took a bite into some chocolate goodness, having faith that it indeed was chocolate and not poop or something. so there's obviously a faith in things of this world. is that the same faith that we should have for non-worldy things? as in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. have we fabricated a faith so heavenly, and pure, to something that we can relate to. to make having faith a little bit easier?
i'm no bible scholar, and i'm definitely not anywhere close to being a theologian. so there's no real truth behind any of that. but i'd figure i'd just let you know what i think about on a day to day basis. you have to admit, it's kind of interesting to ponder about.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Undeniably You
a soft breeze rolls down my spine
You shiver me to tell me i'll be just fine
it ignites my soul as i look up and stare
at the stars You've created to show me You care
as i begin to spit
oh lord You begin to pour down on me
i find it funny how i search for my own two feet to hit the floor
with my eyes closed tight
You let me see so much
You roll in on clouds
i'll sing a sweet melody of how
You have saved me from insecurity
You roll in on clouds
i'll sing a sweet melody of how
my search has brought me nothing but humility
oh lord, how unworthy am i?
as the breeze comes back through
i know it could only be You
for about the past 3 months, every night, i have gone outside to have some chattin time with God. i love to sing this song before i go out. the first line 'a soft breeze rolls down my spine, you shiver me to tell me i'll be just fine' every night there is always some sort of breeze. most nights its just a howling wind. but nevertheless it always makes me shiver. it makes me cold. it changes how i act. it affects how i dress myself. it fully consumes my body. i love to picture God as a wind. wind changes everything in its path. again, it makes me shiver. my body responds to what is consuming it. i love to picture God as wind. the next line 'it ignites my soul as i look up and stare at the stars You've created to show my You care' lets be honest here for a moment. when you're outside, whats the first thing you do? more often than not, you check to see if the stars decided to shine. whats more unfathomable than stars? than space? than other planets? God created all these things before he created us. i feel as if He thought they just weren't enough, so He created us. "for we are good" He said. things that blow our minds, that make us think on what we like to call a "deeper" level, to try and use that extra 90 percent of our brain, to maybe even close our eyes just so we can focus better, things that we may not even have words for, and if we do, those words still aren't good enough. all those things weren't good enough for Him..so He created us. for we are good. the next line 'as i begin to spit, oh lord You begin to pour down on me' could this be self explanatory? how many times have i talked back? how many times has He left? how many times have i came back? (why do we leave in the first place if all we're gonna do is come back?) who just likes to go play in the mud, then not take a shower? the next line 'i find it funny how i search for my own two feet to hit the floor' "hmm, it's ok God, i got this one" "you can only take me too far, i mean, this is a pretty big judgment call" i look back at times in my life where i have said these things, and i can't help but laugh at where it got me. (just thinking off the top of my head) it got me drunk almost every night for 2 months, trying to pick up girls, or trying to fit in and be the commemorated cool guy. why are we searching? i feel it best for Him to search for me..a lot less work if you ask me. the next line 'my eyes closed tight, You let me see so much' the term, "walk by faith" comes to mind. and ain't that the truth? the next line 'You roll in on clouds, i'll sing a sweet melody of how, You saved me from insecurity..You roll in on clouds, i'll sing a sweet melody of how, my search has brought me nothing but humility' i find myself looking at clouds a lot. and reading about how God comes down on clouds. they seem like the perfect mode of transportation..i guess. but lets talk about all this insecurity i'm being saved of. self image? the way i dress, maybe to impress someone. you gotta brush the teeth, i mean what girl likes the color yellow. and you have to put on deodorant cause nobody, male or female, likes a stinky fellow. if we want to get on the verge of out of control thinking, most of us even get braces just so that we look better. not saying these are bad things, in my opinion they're all good. but don't they all contribute to a self image insecurity (on some extreme level)? i have almost mastered the art of not caring what i look like, and in front of whom ever it is that is doing the looking. knowing that God made me and my personality, and knowing that God says i'm "good" is ok with me. and from that i find myself humbled. the next line 'oh lord, how unworthy am i?' again, with all this being said, a sense of unworthiness should be self explanatory. the next line 'as the breeze comes back through, i know it could only be you'
extreme mountain tops are always followed by extreme valleys. what's beyond the valley's? i guess that's for only God to know, and you to happily find out. but a shepard never leaves his sheep behind in a valley, for they're too stupid, and will surely die on they're own. [psalm 23]
You shiver me to tell me i'll be just fine
it ignites my soul as i look up and stare
at the stars You've created to show me You care
as i begin to spit
oh lord You begin to pour down on me
i find it funny how i search for my own two feet to hit the floor
with my eyes closed tight
You let me see so much
You roll in on clouds
i'll sing a sweet melody of how
You have saved me from insecurity
You roll in on clouds
i'll sing a sweet melody of how
my search has brought me nothing but humility
oh lord, how unworthy am i?
as the breeze comes back through
i know it could only be You
for about the past 3 months, every night, i have gone outside to have some chattin time with God. i love to sing this song before i go out. the first line 'a soft breeze rolls down my spine, you shiver me to tell me i'll be just fine' every night there is always some sort of breeze. most nights its just a howling wind. but nevertheless it always makes me shiver. it makes me cold. it changes how i act. it affects how i dress myself. it fully consumes my body. i love to picture God as a wind. wind changes everything in its path. again, it makes me shiver. my body responds to what is consuming it. i love to picture God as wind. the next line 'it ignites my soul as i look up and stare at the stars You've created to show my You care' lets be honest here for a moment. when you're outside, whats the first thing you do? more often than not, you check to see if the stars decided to shine. whats more unfathomable than stars? than space? than other planets? God created all these things before he created us. i feel as if He thought they just weren't enough, so He created us. "for we are good" He said. things that blow our minds, that make us think on what we like to call a "deeper" level, to try and use that extra 90 percent of our brain, to maybe even close our eyes just so we can focus better, things that we may not even have words for, and if we do, those words still aren't good enough. all those things weren't good enough for Him..so He created us. for we are good. the next line 'as i begin to spit, oh lord You begin to pour down on me' could this be self explanatory? how many times have i talked back? how many times has He left? how many times have i came back? (why do we leave in the first place if all we're gonna do is come back?) who just likes to go play in the mud, then not take a shower? the next line 'i find it funny how i search for my own two feet to hit the floor' "hmm, it's ok God, i got this one" "you can only take me too far, i mean, this is a pretty big judgment call" i look back at times in my life where i have said these things, and i can't help but laugh at where it got me. (just thinking off the top of my head) it got me drunk almost every night for 2 months, trying to pick up girls, or trying to fit in and be the commemorated cool guy. why are we searching? i feel it best for Him to search for me..a lot less work if you ask me. the next line 'my eyes closed tight, You let me see so much' the term, "walk by faith" comes to mind. and ain't that the truth? the next line 'You roll in on clouds, i'll sing a sweet melody of how, You saved me from insecurity..You roll in on clouds, i'll sing a sweet melody of how, my search has brought me nothing but humility' i find myself looking at clouds a lot. and reading about how God comes down on clouds. they seem like the perfect mode of transportation..i guess. but lets talk about all this insecurity i'm being saved of. self image? the way i dress, maybe to impress someone. you gotta brush the teeth, i mean what girl likes the color yellow. and you have to put on deodorant cause nobody, male or female, likes a stinky fellow. if we want to get on the verge of out of control thinking, most of us even get braces just so that we look better. not saying these are bad things, in my opinion they're all good. but don't they all contribute to a self image insecurity (on some extreme level)? i have almost mastered the art of not caring what i look like, and in front of whom ever it is that is doing the looking. knowing that God made me and my personality, and knowing that God says i'm "good" is ok with me. and from that i find myself humbled. the next line 'oh lord, how unworthy am i?' again, with all this being said, a sense of unworthiness should be self explanatory. the next line 'as the breeze comes back through, i know it could only be you'
extreme mountain tops are always followed by extreme valleys. what's beyond the valley's? i guess that's for only God to know, and you to happily find out. but a shepard never leaves his sheep behind in a valley, for they're too stupid, and will surely die on they're own. [psalm 23]
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Brand New Eyes
me and casey made a cajon, a box drum. we basically made it in about 2 hours. it made me think about the earlier half of my day, or even week. when was the last time 2 hours of doing anything made me feel like i had accomplished something. let me tell you, school was not at the top of the list.
since the adjective revelation, as i like to call it, i feel like i have been pretty good at not saying the words like awesome, great, powerful, and others that are out there I'm sure, unless I'm talkin about God himself. holding out on good words only for topics about a good being...it feels like so much more is being said.
I'm reading a book, crazy love, and the first sentence of the book says "what if i told you to stop praying?" dang. the first chapter is all about stepping aside and truly recognizing God's beauty. not just pestering him with everyday mumbo jumbo. not saying all prayers are mumbo jumbo but i think you get the ones I'm talkin about. all the ones that you say to either have a clear conscience or just to say and not even full heartily believe that God can go through with it. which is weird. why do we, me included, ask God for things that we feel are too big for him to answer. why do we feel that way? i know I've asked a lot of those prayers. i guess when you add up all the thoughts and emotions going into those types of prayers, the outcome is almost the opposite of those exact thoughts and emotions. Fear. so again, why do we ask for God to answer prayers that we are down right afraid of? for Him to prove something to us? for us to prove Him to somebody else? (why should he have to prove anything to us?) or maybe just by telling Him something we are just hiding our insecurity in Him. instead, shouldn't we want Him to wash away our insecurity. i mean if we are just using God as a tool to hide insecurities, i feel we have missed the mark. if something's hidden, it's not necessarily gone is it? but if something's washed...hmm, that was an interesting tangent we just went on. but back to the whole "what if i told you to stop praying?" thing. i like that. it kind of correlates with saving good adjectives for only God. stepping aside from worldly visions, worldly thoughts, worldly prayers, and truly see the majestic beauty behind what God is. and i think that when you do just that, lay aside everything and just have God remain, you'll have brand new eyes.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
what am i afraid of?
the day started by me waking up at 2pm to jared calling me and telling me to go play volleyball. so i put on my short billed hat, sweet new tank, and was out the door. oh ya, pants were involved as well.
after wards went to chris whitneys for some frontier bible time. i love hangin out with those guys, they're fun. talked about the tower of babel. i couldn't help but think about the tower that im building, and why i'm building it. its strange to actually sit down and think about what that one thing is that God just detests so much that he breaks it all down. its actually really scary. this thought has been a reoccurring theme. that, and psalm 23:2 "he makes me lie down in a green pasture" what the heck is going on in my life that God is just saying "go lie down", almost like a timeout or something haha. i honestly can't think of a single thing for either of these themes, and yet i feel a strong push from God that i need to figure stuff out...if only i knew what that stuff was.
words. amazing. awesome. beautiful. majestic. mighty. king. great. love. first glance at these words, even my first thought..isn't God. there's something very wrong with that. sure i hear these things, plus many more, but can't help to think of worldly connotations. the divine are mere after thoughts. "this pizza is awesome" compared to Deut 10:17 "For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome,"
how have we managed to change an adjective of god to an adjective of pizza.
conviction of the day
Carpe the Diem
the past two days have just been incredibly fun, packed with adventure. friday, i journeyed to ellensburg for institute. basically a discipleship thing we do once a month with yl leaders from the region, its pretty fun. when we were walking up to the front door, i could see a trampoline that was set up in the middle of their family room. it was crazy, don't see that too often. but we had a good discussion on Psalm 23. there's a book that a shepard wrote, literally a shepard, that is all about that psalm. it had some pretty cool insight. one thing that hit me was verse two
"He makes me lie down in green pastures"
it really got me thinking about what it is i do in my everyday walk that would cause him to make me lie down and rest. is it that im just going too fast or that im just coasting through my days? it's an interesting thought to just keep rollin around in my head.
that night, it being traditional, all the guys slept outside. it was awesome. the stars were just everywhere, way more than here in the tri. and again the constellation thing came back, why the heck did God make them. Rich told me that it was just so i could sit and think about it. but i feel like there's more to it than that. just another thing to ask God about when i get to Heaven.
but at around 430 in the morning i woke up and there was nobody outside. now my first thought, and probably the most logical of the two was that someone came and stole them. not like an abduction, but a stealing. it really freaked me out. but then i got smarter and realized they probably all just went in side. at that moment of realization i stretched my legs out in my sleeping bag and could feel the straight bitter coldness at the end. i couldn't feel my feet. so i figured i should follow them, and ended up sleeping in front of a space heater on the floor.
last night, saturday, was pretty cool. i told some people that i would tell my testimony to them and it went down at the park. telling my testimony is always a funny thing to me. i know i have a crazy testimony, and a lot of stuff has happened to me, and God has done a lot of stuff as well with me. but i was at point where it felt like i was glorifying all of the crazy bad stuff in my story a lot more than the crazy God stuff in my story. see once people figured out that i had a crazy story, i just started telling it to everyone, and it eventually, to me, just became a story. so for the past couple of months i've really just tried not to share to much about my life with people just so that i could re-establish the glory in it to God. so last night was very good, tellin it for the first time in a long while to some people i really care about, and can see God workin in them all the time.
the night concluded with just me, casey, and kirby sitting in kirby's living room talking about girl stuff. kirby and casey instantly got so tired and i video taped our conversation on my phone. it was seriously the funniest thing i have ever heard. listening to casey try and remember things and kirby just falling asleep in the middle of any convo. it was priceless. i then, at 430am. took casey home. on the 3 minute ride, he fell asleep. so i took full advantage of the opportunity. i started screaming and swerving. funniest reaction i have ever seen. although i think he was really upset. in all my laughter he got out of the car saying "why would you do that? that really wasn't a cool thing to do." so casey im sorry. but it had to happen haha
"He makes me lie down in green pastures"
it really got me thinking about what it is i do in my everyday walk that would cause him to make me lie down and rest. is it that im just going too fast or that im just coasting through my days? it's an interesting thought to just keep rollin around in my head.
that night, it being traditional, all the guys slept outside. it was awesome. the stars were just everywhere, way more than here in the tri. and again the constellation thing came back, why the heck did God make them. Rich told me that it was just so i could sit and think about it. but i feel like there's more to it than that. just another thing to ask God about when i get to Heaven.
but at around 430 in the morning i woke up and there was nobody outside. now my first thought, and probably the most logical of the two was that someone came and stole them. not like an abduction, but a stealing. it really freaked me out. but then i got smarter and realized they probably all just went in side. at that moment of realization i stretched my legs out in my sleeping bag and could feel the straight bitter coldness at the end. i couldn't feel my feet. so i figured i should follow them, and ended up sleeping in front of a space heater on the floor.
last night, saturday, was pretty cool. i told some people that i would tell my testimony to them and it went down at the park. telling my testimony is always a funny thing to me. i know i have a crazy testimony, and a lot of stuff has happened to me, and God has done a lot of stuff as well with me. but i was at point where it felt like i was glorifying all of the crazy bad stuff in my story a lot more than the crazy God stuff in my story. see once people figured out that i had a crazy story, i just started telling it to everyone, and it eventually, to me, just became a story. so for the past couple of months i've really just tried not to share to much about my life with people just so that i could re-establish the glory in it to God. so last night was very good, tellin it for the first time in a long while to some people i really care about, and can see God workin in them all the time.
the night concluded with just me, casey, and kirby sitting in kirby's living room talking about girl stuff. kirby and casey instantly got so tired and i video taped our conversation on my phone. it was seriously the funniest thing i have ever heard. listening to casey try and remember things and kirby just falling asleep in the middle of any convo. it was priceless. i then, at 430am. took casey home. on the 3 minute ride, he fell asleep. so i took full advantage of the opportunity. i started screaming and swerving. funniest reaction i have ever seen. although i think he was really upset. in all my laughter he got out of the car saying "why would you do that? that really wasn't a cool thing to do." so casey im sorry. but it had to happen haha
Friday, March 5, 2010
spontaneity at its finest
last night was a pretty sweet night. at around 8ish i went to jared gregs and watched some planet earth, followed by the birth of jim and pam's child, then took a trip to winco and smelled some delicious coffey beans. had some delicious crescents by a fire in a backyard. some sweet conversations took place, one thing led to another and we were climbing badger at 2am with intent to dine with the stars. found a relatively flat spot up at the top and pulled the sleeping bags out and stared at the stars for a while. as soon as we were situated, for some reason all of us couldn't help but start to laugh. something so small and so spontaneous brought so much joy and happiness. it felt good to just laugh. i couldn't help but to think about the constellations. what the heck. a group of stars that are always together, in the shape of some object or person or something. the big dipper for instance. what the heck was God thinking when he made that? after many minutes pondering this i had came to a conclusion that made me feel good about being a human, having life, not just sitting around in the sky. but i like to picture God, at the beginning of creation, making some constellations and seeing what it would be like. He even gave them a spoon, a big one and a little one at that, so they could eat, or get water, or do whatever it is that a constellation would do. but at some point in all of this constellation commotion God thought that it just wasn't enough. so he made me. i guess you could say the same thing about anything on this earth, mountains, oceans, valleys, canyons, clouds, forests..all these things that we look at and are just flat out amazed. i guess God was too at one point, but then he made something better..me. yeah.
awakening from this slumber felt pretty good, rising as the sun rose from the horizon. jared found a spider crawling on my sleeping bag and i freaked out. i was trying to shake it off so hard that i shook my socks off of my feet haha. casey got a good vid of the spider so maybe you'll get a chance to see the beast that almost took our lives.
just filled my belly up with ihop. felt good. talked to a summerstaff friend. the one and only miss addie. but she was in shadyville, georgia..thats a real place i guess. so she had to leave. the service was pretty shady. and now im sitting in bed trying to fancy whoever reads this with profound and mystic words accompanied by joyous sentence structure. i hope i could please.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The clouds today were simply amazing. i always feel like God is just chillin up on one, like its a siesta sack or something. they didn't look anything like these clouds, i just thought this a sweet cloud picture. the ones in real life were very extraordinarily fluffy. most accounts of God coming to earth that i have read have been on clouds, something glorious that we'll never understand.
this morning was probably the worst i've felt as far as where God wants me in a very long time..actually about this time last year. i applied for a year long internship at a younglife camp, windy gap, and was pretty set on being there. i felt very confident on that being exactly where God wanted me to go and wanted me to do. but an email said otherwise. windy gap told me that i did not meet the age requirement for the program. this really made me mad at first but when it all sunk in i almost felt like i was lost. there's usually things that i tend to put in my life that i have the utmost confidence in not only myself but God as well, that they will not fail, will never go wrong, and will always be there. and i felt like this internship was one of those things. but i guess God has a different plan for me..i've come to realize that with the whole windy gap thing, it was mostly on a whim that i applied. then i slowly involved God. well the kind people at windy gap sent my application to another camp where age didn't matter, and i feel a lot better just knowing that God was apart of this decision for the new camp from the get go.
played some worship tonight with the best worship team for youth in the tri-cities, haha. we played this song that is just so sweet to listen to. i felt honored to be able to play it for God, i've never felt like that when worshiping. it was a pretty cool experience.
Proverbs 16:3 - Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Man, at first glance i just thought this pic was ridiculous. i have a program called stumbleupon, and it just takes you to random websites with your personal preferences in mind. i love to stumble pictures just cause im jealous of the talent that people have at taking pictures. that's it, next task, somehow find a camera and learn how to be creative. but back to this picture, it reminded me of the tsunami advisory at seaside. it was literally minutes before a big tsunami was expected to occur and there were people down on the beach! what the heck? i just didn't understand it. i guess i was no better..i was about 200 yards away haha.
these past two days of school have been completely ridiculous, i feel like my teachers care about the class just about as much as i do..which is not a good thing, 2 days in a row with cancellations in all 3! this may seem like a cool thing. i'm kindly asking you to reassess the situation.
- its a community college
- this community college is located in pasco washington
- if you want to sit in the hub, you have to: a. be wearing parachute pants and have a gross girl laying on you; or b. be in to magic and dungeon and dragons.
on a happier note, i decided to go and climb badger mountain today. if you were in the tri-cities and looking outside at around 5 then you'll know that the sky was pretty sweet. it was raining all around me so i got to see the clouds with hair, as i like to call them. but add in a bit of pink goodness from the sunset and you get something that is pretty cool to just look at. there was a way the air smelled today, it was that 'right before i rain' perfume that mother earth sprinkles on. im trying to find a poetic way to express what i was thinking at the moment of inhalation of this goodness, but im at a loss for now. but when i do, i'll be sure to let you know
this song still gives me chills..in a good way
Outrunning a Shadow
well this past weekend i got the wonderful opportunity to go to breakaway lodge, a young life camp on the oregon coast. so many great things and little realizations have crossed over my mind just through 2 days of being at a place where people are all living for the same reason, searching for a higher meaning and really just trying to grasp what life could be all about. it gave me some time to just look back at really the last week and a half of my life and how God has seriously put a goose egg in my life that i can't really get around..something that telling white lies to myself and to God to make both of us feel good, just isn't good enough anymore. i found myself in cabin time telling my guys things that were true and honest about Jesus and his love; and few days earlier telling some kamaikin guys at their campaigners things on relationships and lust. and on the last cabin time we were outside and i said something that shocked not only my guys but it shook me up as well.."there are time in your walk as a christian when all you become is exactly that..a christian. a label that people put on you, and really being a christian nowadays just isn't a good label. we tend to quit following Jesus and become a label. labels have all the right answers, they have meaning behind what they're selling..but when do we cross the point of saying all the right answers and actually believing all the right answers?" i love the fact that you could be in a situation where there just isn't anything left to be said and all the sudden your mouth opens and a light can shine through. now at that point i judged all those guys on the spot, but little did i know that that wasn't just for them. all in all it was a great weekend
as for tonight, i came home after yl club to a brother who isn't a believer and he started asking me questions about God and Jesus, and Heaven and Hell. it was one of two times i've had a decent conversation with him. i learned a lot of things about how he views life, and i just pray that something i said tonight about Jesus, just keeps him thinking. hopefully makes him want to prove me wrong just so he can go research about it..at least he'll be reading about Jesus. Funny how he plants seeds like that.
i have grown to have a strange obsession with light..ask me about it sometime, its a strange topic.
"shivers like a summer wind
the first seconds i breathed you in,
it makes me wanna climb the fences.
cross over the pastures
the mountain tops and seas,
for nothing can interfere with you getting to me."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Unity
Well so much for writing every day huh? but anyways, today was a rather chillax day. i didn't really do much of anything. but i did watch the movie marley and me and the one of the last little monologues of the movie really started to make me wonder..."A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" i think this quote goes way beyond just a dieing dog movie. thinking about how i have a special group of friends, i felt as though i had a good solid number for those questions. just hanging out with 2 of them tonight, jesse and noah, we could be doing anything and i feel like we could say anything and have no judgements towards one another. there's a special link between us that sometimes i cant fathom and really just have to thank God for putting them in my life.
on another note i have been highly intrigued by a song called unity. talkin about forgetting worldly things and just living to be one with everyone. its awesome check it out. it really encourages me to keep playing guitar and intesifys my motivation to write 'songs'. its sweet..until next time!
kevin
on another note i have been highly intrigued by a song called unity. talkin about forgetting worldly things and just living to be one with everyone. its awesome check it out. it really encourages me to keep playing guitar and intesifys my motivation to write 'songs'. its sweet..until next time!
kevin
Thursday, January 21, 2010
who am i
"all there is to life is spontaneity..so do things you love and love the things you do. when you come across shades of doubt always remember that shadows prove there's sunshine. and when your lost and in darkness know that there's a light shining bright, trying to get your attention..we all have lost our lives, but it feels so good to have found it. for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us for the love of God in Christ Jesus"
i have decided that i like to write, whether it be serious occasions or just for fun about so called "meaningless" things. it's sort of new for me but hopefully through this i could find way to become more devout in my walk with Jesus. sounds kind of silly but oh well, its worth a shot right?
Romans 8:38-39
for i am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to com, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus or Lord
i have decided that i like to write, whether it be serious occasions or just for fun about so called "meaningless" things. it's sort of new for me but hopefully through this i could find way to become more devout in my walk with Jesus. sounds kind of silly but oh well, its worth a shot right?
Romans 8:38-39
for i am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to com, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus or Lord
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